Committing Sarahcide......................... Part 1-Wasilla Hillbillies

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago for another blog site which is being shut down. I am sort of ashamed to give Miss Sarah Thang the full CurmudgeonBear treatment, but how can one resist. Unlike the moose that she shoots from her helicopter, she is not a moving target. It is rather like giving those carp in the barrel the 12 gage treatment. It is much too easy when she begs for it like a pooch after a Liv-A-Snap. However that has never stopped this bear before and will not now. This observation was written when the scuttlebutt concerned Mess Palin getting her own talk show, while her governanceship was tanking and Palin was a-bailin'. So here ya go folks. My take on the whole brouhaha. Can you imagine Sarah as talk show host? Almost as scary as Sarah as Vice President or even worse, President. Shudder!!!

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Forget the radio or talk show idea. I think Sarah Palin would be great in a sit-com. One where she could parade her children around like she did during her campaign for the president of vice. Put em to work I say, and make 'em pay those hefty lawyer fees mommy is incurring. Every ethics complaint could be incorporated into a episode plot with the evil media and those pesky libruls ending up with egg on their faces at the end of each show. I'm not really thinking of anything as cerebral as Northern Exposure. We don't want Sarah's fans to have to concentrate too hard or have to follow a story line that is too complicated. I know how painful it might be for them to actually have a coherent, logical thought.

Maybe they could combine the sit-com and reality show genres to be something more true-to-life for Caribou Barbie and the First Dude. I'm thinking we could call it the Wasilla Hillbillies. "I can see Russia from the ceeement pond, Todd". Very little acting would have to be done there; the woman is a natural. Of course there is always the danger that the ex-mayor/ex-gov./ex-V.P. candidate would become one of those "skinny Hollywood types" she is always railing on about. And, heavens to Betsy! She would have to deal with those show-biz moguls in the country of California (Hey, if Africa can be a country, why not the entire west coast?); there is always that. But she shouldn't worry. Everyone knows those guys are only interested in the bottom line--something Palin has in common with them. Her bottom line, that is. Sarah may seem like she has just fallen off the logging truck, but she catches on fast. There is soooo much more money in show-biz than politics and who can blame her for cashing in. It's the American way.

Of course there is always the danger that she would "pull-a-palin" and quit in the middle of a 13 episode run (or get canceled, and then what would Letterman do for a monologue?). If I were producing the show, I would want at least 6 episodes in the can before putting it on the air, because by golly, her shelf-life is ready expire sometime within the next 15 minutes. You Betcha!!! Say Good Night, Sarah.

copyright 2009 Mark Talboom

Curmudgeonly Beginnings

Oh Those Curmudgeons! Forty years ago, I couldn't even spell curmudgeon, and now I are one, as the old joke goes. I didn't consciously become one of these fellows. And I didn't just wake up one day and find out that I had garnered a reputation as such. It was a gradual process and a one that encompasses the sum of my life experiences. I guess it is a triad of too much thinking, combined with a jaundiced eye toward human behavior, and the need to articulate a response to such. The journey hasn't been all that bad or arduous. My entire being has been positively shaped in many areas. But for all that, my experience with humanity has left me with a tart reaction to the things in life that so many of my fellow human beings complacently accept and embrace. That which is saccharine; unpleasantly and unnaturally sweet.

And, having been blessed/cursed with this skewed perception, I find an unbridled need to vent, or at the very least, comment. I am happy to have this forum to express my viewpoint on the many things in life that interest me, including politics, love, the so-called GLBT "community", religion, education, "the arts", and people who are stupid and/or ignorant and proud of it.

I hope you come back and visit me as often as you need a good dose of reality. I will post when the mood takes me and as events unfurl on the world stage and in my life; upon which I absolutely must expound. We all live in our own reality and truth. As that old curmudgeon Aldous Huxley once said: "You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad." Well friends, when something makes me mad or even deserves a well-placed bon mot, you can be sure I will have my say about it.

So what, exactly, is a curmudgeon? Webster defines it this way:
Curmudgeon/ kêr-mê-jên n [origin unknown]1. archaic: A crusty, highly eccentric, contrary, and strongly opinionated old man.
2. modern: Anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so; anyone with the habit of pointing out unpleasant facts in an engaging and humorous manner.

The origin of the word Curmudgeon is obscure. It is said to have first appeared in the tome, Description of Ireland (1577), suggesting the Emerald Isle as its origin. However, the word doesn't seem to be Gaelic. It possibly comes from the Scottish word for "grumble". In his 1755 dictionary, Samuel Johnson claimed the the word came from French coeur méchant or "evil or spiteful heart". The word "cur" doggedly comes to mind. However, no evidence supporting this conjecture was available at the time and none has since surfaced.

Indeed, Curmudgeons are really quite sensitive, but they hide their tenderness behind a crust of misanthropy or distrust of humanity. They may grumble, but they are not evil at heart. Their seeming bitterness is a symptom rather than a disease. They mock pretense and decry hypocrisy out of a healthy sense of outrage. Nature has failed to equip them with a serviceable denial mechanism--they simply refuse to live by that river in Egypt. For the most part, their intelligence serves them well with acute perception and an irascible wit. They won't compromise their standards and can't manage the suspension of disbelief necessary for cheerfulness. They attack mediocrity and fraud wherever they find them and their principle weapon is humor.

Curmudgeons are not incapable of love. Many just decline to participate, and those that do so fall prey to the same foolishness and foibles that afflict all other mortals. Curmudgeons fare no better or worse than their fellow man, they just have a few problems with concepts like "communication" , "intimacy" and being "relationship-oriented" and are likely to view and point out the yang side of love while looking somewhat askance at the yin. And then, vice-versa, because the well-seasoned curmudgeon plays no favorites and takes no prisoners.

The true Curmudgeon may be sarcastic at times, but is seldom cynical. They understand the concept of reality. They just look at it sideways and without the rose-colored glasses. As that old curmudgeonly queer Oscar Wilde once said of cynics, "What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing?". That about sums it up for me. I believe life has value. It just needs to be looked at and remarked upon bareboned and unembellished. At least my existance does, and I intend to shape and live it to my satisfaction and to tell those who are interested enough, what I have to say and think. I hope you will agree or at least be provoked to thought. Ciao!
copyright 2009 Mark Talboom with thanks to Jon Winokur